Added: Patricio Wehmeyer - Date: 11.04.2022 23:11 - Views: 49796 - Clicks: 3693
My wife passed away on the 3rd of march at kent I really miss my wife she was only She had stage 4 melognoma cancer. She left me with her 2 children ages 8 and 11 who i've been a step dad for 6 years and the current dad is still in the picture. I looked after her from the time we knew it as stage 4 up until she passed away in the hospice which has to be the most painful expereince in my life. I'm not back at work yet and won't be for some time as my counsellor has told me i'm not ready and so do some of my friends.
My main focus is my children for whom i owe them everything too, the dad is currently deciding whether to take the children and live with him to which i would be devasted as i would lose the connection from there mum. Coming to terms with the loss has been very hard as i last lost someone when i was 14 im now 32, i have a family counsellor who i see every friday to help me with my grief, i have'nt been to any groups as i feel this is too soon.
I've had dark days when i think of ending my life, drinking or even taking medication that my wife left behind, however i know my wife would be very angry if i took my own life just to be with her again and the children would be in more pain and end up living with there dad which i know they both don't want.
My heart has been severly broken and it will take along time to heal. My mother in law has become very supportive however she can become very annoying and pushing me to go back to work and can sometimes get me feeling to doing these things or having dark thoughts, my counsellor has told me to ignore her and to go back when im ready, another thing that gets me angry is when people say they know how i feel but that person has'nt lost there partner its normally a relative or parent. I know grief will eventually get better and i will never loose thought of her but these dark thoughts need to stop as i can't have the kids feeling even more depressed at such young ages and i don't think i could stop myself if i got to a stage that i would do something.
Hi just read your post please throw the booze away ive known many men who hit the booze and it destroys them theres no exceptions plus if you want to keep your kids anyone finds that and they are gone its a horrible situation to be in i can give you advice but not sympathy if your drinking. Hello and welcome. I am so sorry that you and your children find yourself in this sad situation.
Can I say - even if it is not my business - please maintain a good relationship with the children's biological father. They may not want to live with him full time but it is right that he should see them and maintain a good relationship if at all possible. Keep it pleasant! You know that suicide would be entirely the wrong thing to do for everyone concerned so take the help you are offered by your GP. It is still very early days since the death of your wife and it is a very individual thing for everyone who has been bereaved.
Going back to work is right when you think it is right - some people want to go back quickly I was one of these when bereaved others need a few weeks more. I am sure you will keep in touch with your management so they and you both know where you stand. People mean well but as you say they cannot really know what you are feeling; I suppose it is better than being ignored by "friends" which has happened to quite a few people on this forum.
Glad that I really miss my wife are getting some counselling. Your mum-in-law has had an awful loss too; as a parent myself I shudder to even think about the loss of - give her a bit of slack! Best wishes. I lost my wife at the end of November last year aged 46 and its so tough without her.
She was diagnosed with TNBC in June and her journey was one of false hope and frustration, The cancer spread onto her lungs and she became very ill despite her attempts at chemo to beat the illness. I nursed her through the toughest of times which can only be described as a relentless routine, but it just became normal to us, but she was worth every ounce of effort.
We both tried our best, but it just didn't go our way in the end. I can relate to a lot of what you describe, we have two kids and were an extremely close and loving couple. I'm four months down the road now since she passed away and have had 8 sessions of bereavement counselling and despite that I still have some very dark days. I had two months off from work after she passed, but now I am back to work full time, and I have got back into the work routine.
However, my wife is always on my mind every day and I just cannot understand how we ended up like this. I visit her grave every day because I feel that I have to, I hate going home to an empty house and I hate the fact that our two kids have to live without their mum, and that was their mum's biggest fear! For me, it really hasn't got a lot better, I really miss my wife find that the emotions come in waves, some just touch my feet and others completely swamp me and drag me out to sea. I dont think it is something that gets much better, but the rawness if it must subside at some point?
We just have to learn how to accomodate the pain and frustration and carry it with us forevermore. I have good family and friends who are there for me, but many of them are dealing with this loss too, so it is very hard sometimes to speak to people who are also feeling the same, but of course in a different way to what I am.
I do think ultimately it is down to us as to how we feel and how we progress into the future, but that is so much easier said than done isn't it. I haven't had suicidal thoughts, but I certainly find it difficult to be strong for the kids when I can't be strong for myself. I don't know how I keep going, but I do, my body gets up every day and carries on even though sometimes I really cant be arsed!
One of the first things I did when my I got home after my wife passed was to clear out all of her medication, and there was a lot of it. I bagged it all up and took it to the chemist for disposal because I couldn't stand the sight of it. If you have had thoughts about taking your wifes medication then you need to dispose of it now to prevent any temptation of taking it. Go and see your doctor and let them know everything that you feel, and the thoughts you've been having.
Hopefully they can help you take the baby steps towards getting back on track. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your wife at only It is never an easy thing to watch a loved one at the end stage of life, but this is particularly so with cancer. It can be difficult to get the final months, weeks or days out of your mind and replaced with memories of happier times.
It sounds as if you now have the additional worry of what is going to happen with the children. How are they both coping? I am glad to hear that you are seeing a counsellor regularly. It would certainly seem too soon to do group therapy just yet, but there may come a time when you find this helpful. In that case, remove anything that might help you out. Could you I really miss my wife to make her proud in everything you do? A nice photo in a prominent place might also help you and the children.
I know that losing a parent is not the same as losing the love of your life, but perhaps keeping a photograph of her in a prominent place might help all 3 of you? I keep a photo of my mum, which I often chat to as I pass by and I have found this to be of great solace throughout the years. You will never forget your wife and you will always hold her in your heart. You are still at a very early stage of grieving, but things will get better with the passage of time.
I sincerely hope that between you both, you can come to some mutually acceptable agreement in respect of the children. Post to forum. Search Search forum. Do you have a cancer chat password?
Yes, I have a password. Remember me. in. I would be happy to receive news and updates from Cancer Chat. Create new. Leave this field blank. Already a member? in now. Not a member yet? Register now. Search for discussions or people. Kind regards, Jolamine. Show per : Going back to uni after mums death. Lost my Mum to Cancer of the appendix. Missing My Sweet Mum.I really miss my wife
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